


Deliberate

by BlueEyesInDisguise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Levi and Erwin are so dumb but I love them, M/M, Major Character Death but not really shhh, Mike and Petra and everyone who's dead is actually alive because I'm sentimental
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 10:59:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1938366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyesInDisguise/pseuds/BlueEyesInDisguise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin was dead and Levi was empty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deliberate

Petra screamed. Mike turned away. Even Hanji fell silent. 

Their commander lay motionless on the ground, a pool of blood spreading from his body like some grotesque sacrificial offering. His right arm was missing and it seemed the arm to his jacket had followed suit. It was near impossible to tell what other injuries he sustained because the blood was everywhere. Red stained Erwin’s once golden hair and neatly kept uniform. He had to be dead. It had to have been painful. 

Petra, Mike, and Hanji all wept for their loss in their own ways. They mourned the end of a good man - possibly the best they or anyone would ever encounter. He had been called Humanity's Hope. 

But Levi - Levi just stared at Erwin's stump of an arm and thought of how he wouldn’t be able to be buried in the soldier’s salute as all who died in service were. He wouldn’t be able to give his heart once more for the final time. He knew he should feel something. He wanted to feel something. He did sense it rising, building up and looming ominously like a storm on the horizon, but his emotions remained carefully out of reach for the moment. He deftly motioned for one of the remaining soldiers to ready the squad to return to the safety of the walls. 

Erwin was dead and Levi was empty. Erwin, who had rescued him from death and a life of poverty and crime. Erwin, who had taught him obedience and loyalty and what it was to trust. Erwin, who he had followed into hell once without choice and had returned to with by his own devices each time since. Levi watched the blood creep slowly outward around Erwin. 

Erwin had never liked the color red. His office was all purples and blues and greens with oak shelves and a heavy mahogany desk. The books, papers, and medals all combined in a calming collection of blue and green and gold - never red. Levi's mind wandered to the small stained glass pendent that hung from the lamp. He used to watch Erwin through the teal and gold glass as he worked on records for the Capital and letters of regret for the families of the fallen. Levi wondered who would write Erwin's letter. Levi wondered if Erwin even had anyone to receive such a letter. The blood was almost at his feet now. Levi had always thought the lack of red in Erwin's office was because he was honest and intelligent like the color blue. Like the color of his eyes, the color of truth. 

That’s when Levi finally felt it. His emotions came crashing down around him, cut free from the strings that once held them so high above him. Now Levi was drowning in them. He had given Erwin the pendent as a gift. 

Levi remembered fleeting touches. A brush of fingers while exchanging reports, a bumping of shoulders as they walked together in the hallway, a swipe over a cheek while commenting on a new bruise from training. 

He stumbled through the blood-soaked grass to Erwin’s body and fell to his knees. He could feel Erwin's still-warm blood as the fabric of his pants absorbed it. He remembered Erwin's arms as he carried him after he injured his leg on a mission. He remembered Erwin cutting his hair after he was released from jail before his training with the Survey Corps began. Levi fisted what was left of Erwin’s now completely red shirt in his hands. Erwin was not supposed to be red. He was blue. He was honest. He shouldn't be the one without the arm. He shouldn't be the one dead. He did not deserve it. Levi did not cry out but rather let silent tears slip from his eyes as he regarded what was left of the only man he had ever trusted completely. The only man who had ever trusted him completely.  
Levi wished he had made those touches deliberate.

...

Erwin’s chest rose slightly as Levi grieved. Levi did not notice at first, but after hearing a weak intake of breath he released his grip on Erwin’s shirt and yelled for Hanji.


End file.
